If you made a New Year’s resolution this year, I hope it was to put yourself FIRST.
I know that sounds selfish but let me explain.
As women, we tend to feel bad about putting ourselves first, but it’s not bad, wrong or shameful, it actually helps everyone around us.
Fifteen years ago, I had three boys ages 10, 8 and 5 and I was working full time as an obstetrician/gynecologist. I was in the office seeing patients 30 hours per week, on call at the hospital for 24 hour shifts, and doing surgeries, too! I remember the days of running from the hospital to home to get my kids to school and then I headed back to my office to work.
One evening I was exhausted, but I tried so hard to stay awake to spend time with my kids after being awake for thirty-six hours. I had an Au-pair that lived with us and drove my kids to and from school and to all the after- school activities. I know that sounds amazing and to some, even “elite”, but it wasn’t enough. I still felt the need to stuff my schedule by going to the market, buying household supplies, shopping for the kids clothes and tackling a never ending to do list. I wanted to be at my children’s school parties, plays and all of the soccer games. I arranged my whole entire work schedule which made it harder on me, but I believed I would be a better mother to my boys.
So, when did I take care of myself? NEVER! I was fatigued, overweight, mildly depressed, and not a happy wife.
My husband, who also understood the demands of being physician himself, saw all of this. He begged me to get full time help so I could spend more time with my family when I wasn’t working. He told me to stop working all together if that was what would make me happy.
I struggled for years before agreeing and hiring full time help. Now I can look back and understand why it was so hard. I was raised to be a STRONG WOMAN! That meant being self-sufficient. My mother would tell me to make sure I never HAD to rely on a man for financial and emotional support. A happy marriage is an amazing thing but it should be a shared relationship and if it ever falls apart, I should be able to stand alone.
She always told me “you can do it all.” Years later, around the time I was struggling, she said to me, “I’m sorry but you can’t do it all.” It was quite a moment and I will always remember that conversation. She apologized for my current situation of stress, fatigue, poor health. I couldn’t be the best mother, wife, doctor, housekeeper, laundress, and be in good physical and emotional health at the same time. Something had to give!
SOMETHING HAD ALREADY BEEN GIVEN UP AND IT WAS ME!
It’s not selfish to put yourself first! You need to take care of yourself which enables you to care for and have healthy relationships with those around you.
I’m not telling you to get full time help, I’m telling you to: Spend 30 minutes every day or twice a day doing something for yourself. Meditate, exercise, go for a walk, read a book. Make healthy choices. Keep processed foods and sugar out of your, and your family’s, diet. Minimize your alcohol intake. Have a date night with your significant other. A healthy marriage is the best way to raise healthy children. DON’T BE AFRAID OR ASHAMED TO ASK FOR HELP! From your spouse, family, friends or even your physician. We all need help at times.
HIRING FULL TIME HELP WAS HARD FOR ME. I FELT LIKE I WAS FAILING, AND TYPE A PERSONALITIES DO NOT LIKE FAILURE, BUT I GOT SOME ME TIME BACK AND THAT MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE!